Be Yourself 🦋

Have you ever struggled with this ?

I have and still do !

I want you to stop 🛑 and walk with me while we talk this out together 🦋

Number one have Appreciation for the person that you are today ! Who juggles life, the good, bad and the ugly. How do you do it? With grace, courage, determination and strength.

BE proud of you , even if you can’t see past the heavy cloud of darkness at times.

I’m here to remind you that your doing great.

Number two , reflect for a moment and acknowledge your story to date.

Number three , now look behind you, that’s called growth, change and purpose. You did that !!! Yes you did !

Number four , have gratitude for what you have achieved. The people you love, who loves you and the blessings you receive everyday. Where should I start, let’s start with YOU , you’re a blessing!!!

Number five, why do we waste time and energy worrying about being perfect, what people think and are we good enough! Always seeking validation from anyone that we are going ok, when really all we need is our own validation. Yes I am or No I’m not and that’s ok !

Number six, how often do we second guess ourself in a minute, hour, day, week, month or year. A lot right ! But I’m here to remind you, we are doing great.

Now that I have shared all that , how can we work at this and begin to ” be ourselves” and be proud.

Well we start by loving ourself !

Where do you start ?

Start saying No ! ❤️

Once a day start looking at yourself in the mirror and telling that gorgeous human looking back at you that YOU LOVE them !!! ❤️

Begin to write in a journal, share your feelings, thoughts and gratitudes on a daily basis. This is so healing for your soul.❤️

Create your dream board , sounds silly but when you can visually see your dreams, aspirations and goals in front of you each day. The universe will have your back and it will all start to come to fruition. Maybe not as quickly as you hope it too but it will happen.

” Why would we want to be handed everything on a silver plater as the saying goes ” without truly believing we are worthy of it ❤️

Next …

I challenge you to step out of your comfort zone and be yourself. The true authentic, beautiful, loving and inspiring person that you are. ❤️

Start to put yourself first ❤️

Surround yourself with like minded souls and embrace those that you have already in your life that love you no matter what. In the good times and in the bad. ❤️

Face your fears head on. Instead of running from them , choose to rise above them.❤️

Life’s too short to live with regret.❤️

Live for now and BELIEVE in yourself.❤️

I’m here to remind you that “You’re amazing.”❤️

I always say I’m a work in progress ! and so are you too.

Settling for second best and making everyone else happy.

You will begin to value your self worth, self love and your own happiness as number one.

What happens next is you do start to love yourself and begin to not care what people think of you. Let me just say there is a lot of stigma around loving yourself. The people that believe and share in this stigma are the ones that want to love themselves more than you. They can’t because they live in a world of fear and judgment. So let’s show them that they can too, let’s empower them ! To step out of the self hatred bubble.

The lesson today is that we can’t change the way people think and feel about us. What we can do is change how we react to this kind of behaviour. How by choosing YOU and rising up.

Imagine that !! What would that feel like … awesome ! Too right.

I worry about what people think and I still need to work on loving myself more everyday. Hand on heart you will never stop working on you, because we are not perfect, always growing and changing. Having an awareness that we have to work on us is the first step to greatness because it doesn’t just happen naturally.

My motto” I live one step and one day at a time”

Acceptance that ” Life will always have obstacles and roadblocks on my pathway, but that doesn’t mean I stop being me. That is what makes me who I am, so embrace it and I choose to be my true authentic self everyday .”

When you be yourself hand on heart your life will shift.

Never second guess yourself.

Love yourself graciously and the world will love you back

It is the Truth !

I’m living proof , my life has changed and changes everyday all because I love me !

Loving blessings from me 😘😘

What if ….

Dear Me

What if …. today you took a chance on you. Started believing in all the things that could go right instead of worrying about the things that could go wrong. Because you know what? You are a living proof bubble that anything is possible if you believe.

What if … you took a leap of faith. Remember how you and your husband took a leap of faith literally nearly 2 years ago and moved to Albury. Nothing has gone wrong has it ! Actually it has been the best thing you did for your family. But what is incredible is that those dreams you put out there, they really do come true. You manifested your dream home and got it. You asked to heal from the inside out and guess what, your soul is enriched with new health , happiness , friendships , adventures and new memories. That doesn’t just include you, that’s your whole family too.

What if …. instead of delving into other people’s negative crap and jealousy, you actually embraced that fluffy cloud of happiness. Go on .You’ve worked friggen hard for it and I think it’s time you invested in that T-shirt … what do ya reckon 😜”

What if …. you turned your can’t do this into, well, yes I can. You are a survivor of cancer , an RPM instructor NOW and you are writing your book with a publishing deal. Who would of thought .. kiss my butt cheeks non-believer club .

What if …. you turned I’m not smart enough around to yes you are. Look at what you’ve achieved already in your life apart from the obvious. Have you looked at yourself in the mirror? You look friggen amazing and you’re one subject and 4 practical assessments away from being a Qualified Counsellor. Go you good thing. We won’t talk about the extra assignment and practical assessment we knew nothing about, lol 😜😂

What if … we just took a moment to breathe. Life,it does get really hectic, actually everyday is hectic. We do feel overwhelmed at times ,actually most days our cup is at overflowing but remember …..

” one thing at a time ” guess what, you know it’s not going anywhere if we don’t get it done. 😂

What if … we just took a moment to have some self care and just be in the moment ❤️ . Remember that feeling when we do. I know it’s few and far between but how nice is it. Oh how we love our cup of tea and our wine time , awwwwww.

What if … we weren’t so hard on ourself. Your best is enough , you’re doing a great job. Sometimes we need to remind ourselves we need to have our own back. Or surround ourselves with people that do.

Ok , so all the what ifs , maybes and I can’t do that. Who is that ? Is that really the true you, or is that our good old friends Mr Fear, Mrs Self Doubt and our good old friend Mr Master Chief himself Worry.

What if …everyday to kick these guys to the kurb you wake up , show up and do your thing. Keep wearing your heart on your sleeve don’t change. Let’s work at that one not letting people turn our smile upside down. What do ya reakon !

What if … we embraced who we are: a strong , powerful , courageous women who is a survivor and a lover of life.

What if … we were ok with not everyone embracing this new and improved version of us. Because you know what odds are just like us they to are dealing with there What ifs !!! So let them deal with their what ifs and let them go like a balloon.

What if …. you embrace that dream board of yours again. You created that and there are a lot of new dreams on there and a lot that have been taken off too because you’re living proof that dreams really do come true.

What if … now for a moment you just looked up at that blue sky. You were meant to lay out here this afternoon and write this blog because just like you, someone needed the sunshine and needed this message. Blue, the healing colour of truth , opportunity and growth. Close your eyes and remember your path. Can you see it ,your career , aspirations, your book , your dreams especially that trip,remember Paris, it’s on your dream board. Don’t give up on that one !

What if … you just start to see what everyone else does. ” You are amazing , enough and so worth it ”

Love me xxx

Honesty ❤️

Dear Me

3.29am in the morning you can’t sleep.

No matter how much you have grown into yourself you still fill yourself with worry and self doubt.

Why is it that ? We live in a world where we need that constant validation. Right ? Why though !

Why do I at times live with fear of losing everything. That’s part of growth and change.

Or is it when you concentrate too much on the materialistic world and are not in the present, we lose sight of our real purpose and our authenticity. We have been so driven by goals , dreams and aspirations which is AWESOME but we have lost sight of what is really important; which is you. It’s called balance. Remember that one !

So I’m wondering this week when you took a step back looking from the outside in and re-centred yourself, did this help. Of course it did !

I know situations of late have heightened your emotions. Why is that ? Fear of losing people in your life if you say what you feel? It hasn’t happened so kick that one to the kerb.

Thoughts ! Wouldn’t it be nice if we had a crystal ball and we could see what the future has in store for us. Would the outcome be good ? Would we be happy ? What does life have in store for us ?

But life is all about the surprises along the way. The good , the bad , and the ugly. It binds everything together to help us appreciate with grace, strength and courage how truly lucky we are !

Every day we breathe the freshness of new air. We wake up and take one step forward to being the best version of ourself. That’s enough right ! We’ve got this girlfriend.

We struggle some days more than others just holding our shit together. You know what, overall I feel like we do a damn good job. We are real , we worry too much about what people think of us. But who cares, they’re not perfect either.” What people think of me is none of my business “. Hell Yeah 🙌🙌

We overanalyse things way too much. Our inner critic some days has a front row seat. However, our other critic always steps in to remind us to ” just live for the moment each and everyday ” . So we do !

Let’s just keep embracing life and take a chance on us. How about we keep loving every minute and don’t waste a second questioning ourself. You know it’s just the ego bringing self doubt and fear of failure in. No way are we going to give up on the work that we are doing. Let’s just push through it.You know it’s like running, if we can push through the negative self talk and badgering , well, we can get through anything. Remember courage and belief, there in there. So let her shine. Keep coming out and showing yourself to the world. You’re making a difference everyday. Don’t let life challenges and judgement hold you back .

Judgement ? People will judge you anyway. But they will also see you for who you really are, the true authentic you. ” Your vibe attracts your tribe “. These are the keepers, the stayers and the believers. Hold on to them. Spread your love like fairy dust because you are one magical human being. Yes, you and me we are !

Believe in yourself you’ve got this. Don’t let the lingering self doubt of other people’s beliefs bring you down. Keep spreading your love and really be true to who you want to be. That is the best gift that you can give to yourself ever. Your love is important.

So go out love and inspire the world the way you want to.

Spend more time doing what you want instead of what you feel others want for you, or for fear of mispleasing them.

Reconnect with your family and reconnect with yourself. Along the way these past few weeks you’ve lost sight of what was really important. Go out and find that again Girlfriend. I’ve got ya back.

Love me

❤️

Dear Dad ❤️ Me

Dear Dad

Not a day goes by that I don’t miss you or think of the memories that we shared together.

One of the most treasured memories I have of you is the day I married Vince. I remember on the day you showed a lot of emotion. In my heart I know you were filled with love, joy and happiness that I had meet a man that loved me just as you loved me.

As you held my hand on our way into the wedding ceremony we shared a moment together where you spoke to me from your heart

” Marriage is hard work sweetheart. You have to work hard at it every day. I look at you and I’m so proud of the woman that you’ve grown up to be and I know that you will have a bright and enriched life with Vince. As your father I hoped that you would marry someone that loved you so much they couldn’t imagine a world without you in it. You might be marrying Vince today but you will always be my little girl”

I remember those words so clearly because it was such a special moment that I shared with you and you alone.

The short time that your grandchildren had you in their life, they loved and adored you. You created memories and loved them. I know when you looked at your granddaughter there was a part of her that resonated memories of when I was that little. She loved her poppy ❤️

I don’t understand why life dealt you the cards that they did but those cards got dealt to us too.

I understand why you stayed and I know how much you love our mum. You felt by staying it would be ok and you could make it right. Part of me wishes that you both had separated and maybe things might have been different today.

I often wonder if she had seeked the help she so desperately needed, would she have found peace and happiness. I believe with my heart it would have helped, because it has helped me.

When I look up at the blue sky I often think to myself in those fleeting moments about you in my thoughts. Do you ever think of us or remember us , your children, your grandchildren and my husband.

The last words you ever spoke to me was following a conversation I had with my mother on the phone. Like always she had been drinking, she was abusive and just wanted someone to blame . That person was me. As Vince and I sat there and listened to her, the picture she painted of me just didn’t ring true. I let her finish then for the first time in 37 years I spoke my truth. It came from my heart. There were no harsh words spoken, just how I wasn’t going to take the abuse anymore. This was it, no more.

She couldn’t handle hearing me speak with strength, courage and from a place of love. She hung up. Not long after, the phone rang it was you. My heart skipped a beat. Was this it? Had you seen the light and had she. Was she going to get help so we all could be a family again?

I used to pray and hope Dad that one day you would knock on my front door with her and apologise for all the pain, suffering and abuse I had endured. I can’t count how many times I have apologised to you both leading up to that day. It felt like all I ever did was apologise. I really don’t know what I ever apologised for. Actually I do know what it was ! So you would love me and want me as your daughter.

I couldn’t bring myself to do that anymore. To live a lie. How could I when I had a man that loved and accepted me for who I was everyday and those around me including my husband’s family , my brother and his partner and all our friends.

Your words cut me like a knife. I will never forget them but I have made peace and found forgiveness : “as far as I’m concerned your dead, your scum of a husband is dead and as for those 3 children, their dead to me too. You will never be in our life ever again”

What is sad is you had never even meet our third child Nicholas. You weren’t even there for his birth.

I have always wanted to ask, when you said that beautiful speech at my wedding, did you mean what you said?

” today is one of the proudest days of my life. My daughter is marrying a man that I call my son , we love him. To all the people here today you all know my daughter well and know what a true blessing she is and a joy to be around in this world. I love her very much and wish her all the happiness in the world today and always”

This is me today Dad, that daughter. I’m loving, supporting and inspiring others by making a difference in this world in all areas of my life.

Love your only daughter xx

I am here ❤️

Wednesday, a dear friend in my life who sat with me while I cried. She said to me, “write about this. Write about how your feeling now.”

So here I am.

Cancer, my world and what I wake up to everyday.

The past months and weeks I have been filled with strength, joy,excitement, love, gratitude, blessings and courage.

But I have also had worry,overwhelm, exhaustion, fear, self doubt and sadness.

Why? Because I’m honest. I look amazing, I feel amazing, I’m the fittest and healthiest I have ever been in my life. I love the person I am inside and outside. But yet at any given moment, the BIG C could take me down. This is my reality and what I live with everyday.

This week I have felt so raw and vunerable as I have shared with the world parts of my story. On top of that, I have been filled with self doubt, fear and questioned whether the road towards my dreams, passions and aspirations will come true.

Of course they will ! What a silly statement, but one that I’m sure everyone has experienced. That nagging fear of self doubt and judgement. I know this feeling all to well and so here I am finding myself writing about it. Honestly I’m not perfect, but I love myself and that’s more than enough.

Speaking the truth is what one does when they feel like this. Reach out to a loved one or ones. Be honest, open and truthful. What’s the worst that could happen? Nothing! Other than you feel better because you’ve let it out.

I visualised a balloon deflating and flying off in the distance when I sat and talked about it. As the tears rolled down my face, I just allowed myself to be with it all. It was ok, I was ok and I was going to be ok.

The next day, I went for my run. I always feel so at peace Especially when I run along the river here in Albury. It’s like everything that once was just dissipates. This is what it was like for me on Thursday.

Then I found myself just sitting in the sun and soaking up all that vitamin d. I had a peaceful moment to myself just breathing and allowing my inner calm and my thoughts to ground me and bring me back to the Here and now.

A shared cup of tea or coffee surrounding myself with like minded souls who love and appreciate me. Laughs, loving words spoken and stories shared with my friends. I did this too ❤️

My Husband and my children , taking time out to just be really present in their life and them in mine. Laughing, playing, snuggling on the lounge and just soaking up that love. Just enjoying the present.

In the end, It won’t define me because I don’t let it. If it did, I wouldn’t be the women I am today. I have so much love for who I am, that’s why when I struggle it’s hard to bear because I don’t like how it feels. I’m not that women anymore. I’m strong, brave and courageous.

So it’s Friday night now. I’m indulging, having a red wine, chocolate and icecream. How do I feel? Exhausted but extremely proud that I pushed through it. I smashed my third Shadow RPM class for this week and it was my best ever. I submitted my assignment that I had to redo. I’ve continued to write each day in my book and I’ve juggled the life and struggles of a 24/7 mum, wife, life in between and Yeah The Big C too !

How?! Because I talked about it and I acknowledged it for what it was when it was happening. I didn’t let it consume me and I loved myself to know that I needed to reach out to those near and dear in my life.

My message was clear the other day as I ran and visualised. “You are an amazing , strong, intelligent and vibrant women who is on a path of self discovery change and inspiration. Be kind to yourself dear one because you are so loved more than you will ever know.”

To ALL those beautiful souls that were present in some form for me this week. I love you beyond words always ❤️

Thankyou for gently reminding me that I’m human.

love me xx

Dear Me ❤️ Me

I am sharing this in the hope that the message is clear. Rape and abuse is not ok and never will be. The legal system has gotten better since it happened to my younger self. But the stigma is still there in our society.

Look after your daughters. Love them hard and always check in with them. Make sure they are safe and aware of the dangers. As hard as it is educating them about the cruelties of this world,whilst it is confronting, it may have saved me had my parents been more present in my life.

I do warn you of the gravity of what you will read. I’m sharing my story in the hope that it will educate and show how quickly my innocence was taken from me and could happen to someone close to you in your life. A journey I wish I never had to experience.

Dear Me,

I remember the day as clear as you do,it is etched in my memory. You were fifteen and in year 10. You had just finished your week of work experience for a travel company close to home. You really had a great time and felt independent and happy. The people that  were there were really nice people and you got on really well with them all.

Lying to your parents just became a reoccurring thing to do. You never really new how to be around your parents at any given time. Feelings of walking on egg shells , not wanting to be a burden, these where 24/7 feelings. You always seemed to find yourself in situations that were out of your control or did you just want to be loved? Your brothers were loved. What was wrong with you?

So you just resorted to the fact that what was the point anymore? That night you told your parents that you were going to stay at a girlfriend’s house from school. They knew the girl but were unaware that it was actually a party and boys were going to be there a lot older then you.

All you wanted was to be liked. To feel like you fit in somewhere in this world, but this just never happened. You felt like you never fit in and you always over compensated to get people to like you. You felt like the ugly duckling in the crowd.

Your memory of the night is very hazy and you were drinking alchol because you wanted to fit in and be liked. There was a boy there that you were interested in and you thought he liked you.

The next thing you knew you were in the bedroom. He had taken off all your clothes because you couldn’t. You were in and out of consciousness, not really sure what was happening. You said no to him. He didn’t listen. You tried to push him off you. He didn’t listen. He started to hurt you. You started crying. You kept saying no, but you were so intoxicated you couldn’t move and he was on top of you. You kept saying no. You were crying. No one could hear you because the music was so loud.

You passed out.  When you woke up everyone at the party was calling you 5 finger girl.

All you wanted to do was go home , but home wasn’t that great either. Where did you belong ? What had just happened? Yes, you were raped.

When you woke up the next morning, you never spoke about it to any one . You never reported it. You never did anything. He got away with it and then started spreading rumors around your area about you.“ The five finger girl “. Where had your innocence gone? You didn’t care anymore. You just wanted to die. You just wanted to die.

You felt like no one was going to believe you and that you asked for it. You should have felt like you could talk to your parents, but you couldn’t.  You felt like they would have said that you asked for it.

Speaking the truth now has set you free beautiful one. You are not alone anymore I am here for you. I love you

Love me ❤️

LOVE 💖 BELIEF 💖TRUTH

My spiritual journey began after I survived suicide. I really poured my heart and soul into my faith. I joined my local Anglican church. The reverend showed me care and compassion. He prayed over me when I was in a coma.

My journey with the church began as an alter girl. This brought joy and happiness into my heart. I loved Sunday. I was a part of the proceedings. It was an honour. I felt like I belonged somewhere; God and the Church.

I cant remember what I dreamt whilst I was in my coma, but I feel like I had connection to something; a presence. I felt like I was blessed in some form spiritually and my guardian angels were close. I believe something touched my soul. That I know for sure.

I knew somewhere deep within all the hurt and pain that I was meant to do something in this world. I just couldn’t put my finger on what it actually was at the time because I still had so much pain and hurt there.

When I went home everything was just swept under the carpet. We never spoke about the suicide and if we did it was only to tell me what an act of stupidity on my part it was.

I believe that is why I found God. He was my refuge and my coping mechanism. He helped me to see past what had happened and begin to start to see a future for myself; whatever that was I had no idea.

My faith helped to see past my pain and hurt. Over the years through faith and trust I have learnt to love myself despite all of my adversity. When I do struggle, I try to look within myself to see past the pain of what I have been through and find peace with it.

Every day I sit in the silence of prayer. It gives me hope, faith and trust that everything will be ok. Before I meet my husband, every night I would lie in bed and pray that I would meet a man that would love me so much I wouldn’t be able to imagine a life without him in it. That wish came true.

My husband was the biggest blessing that happened to me in my life at a time when I felt all hope had gone. He will often joke when they are all suffocating me with love,that I prayed for this, a love like no other and yeap I did get it. So grateful !

When I meet him though he had a tough time with me. I wasn’t the easiest person to be around.

I paid off all the money I owed. I had moved out of my ex boyfriend’s mother’s house and Vince at the time supported me at 28 to get my drivers licence and I did get it. It was so exciting …

My dad came back in my life and he organised the holden dealership which was contracted to his work to help me with my car purchase. It felt like all my Christmasses had come at once. When I applied for a loan with the bank I was honest about my financial situation. I was declared bankrupt. I wrote a letter and just told them the truth about everything and they approved it based on my honesty.

My little car, the green mobile or as I called her “ Sabrina” the Barina was to become my best friend. For the first time in such a long time I felt like I had achieved something on my own because I had belief in me. This was the beginning. It was a small step but it was the right step.

Life with Vince was just wonderful, he made me feel like a princess every day . He gave me the world and loved me unconditionally. It was not an easy road for him though, I was so angry a lot of the time. I would take it out on him a lot, which was not right and he didn’t deserve it.

I remember the night he took me out for dinner. It was our anniversary dinner. We went to a seafood restaurant and we got talking about marriage and he said to me “ I take marriage seriously, the woman that I marry will be for life”. I looked at him and said “are you saying that is me?” He said ” I do want to marry you but you need to heal. I understand why your angry and hurting. I love you and I want you to get the support that you need to heal.Something that no one has ever shown to you. Love, compassion, support and understanding.”

Those words shook me up and made me realise that I really needed to get some support or I was going to lose the best thing that ever happened to me, Vince.

All I could feel was my anger, hurt, and pain . The anger and resentment had been there for some time. It was going to take time to heal and heal I would. I agreed that the time had come to work with a counsellor. Time to heal.❤️

Over 7 years of counselling I have had. I have built a box of tools that help me each and every day to get through this journey called life. I always knew that the road was going to be a long one to overcome, all my pain and hurt, but more importantly to grow into the women today who truly loves herself as a whole.

” Candy I love you more then life itself and I want you to believe that you are worth loving because I love you. To see the truth about who you are supposed to be, because your soul is amazingly beautiful. Your beauty shines from the inside out and it lights up a room when your in it. Your presence is intoxicating. ” written in a card from my husband Vince

My message ….

Your beliefs are important

Love yourself always

and find truth in the process.