Book entry Saturday 28th July 2018
“ Sitting back in the car today writing a page in my book, I find myself reflecting on my big run tomorrow and how far I’ve come in the past 24 weeks. I am also thinking about those that I love near and dear to my heart. Tomorrow I won’t just be walking for myself, I will be walking for all those people too that struggle everyday with physical, emotional, health and life challenges.
When it started to rain today , I flashed back to my wedding day. We had the biggest storm on that day and the rain was so heavy similar to today. My dear aunt came up to me and told me that rain is good luck, especially on a symbolic day. My wedding day was one of the happiest days of my life, so I believe that theory. I just love how the universe just gives us these gentle reminders.Well, I am taking this one as good luck for tomorrow. I’m going to smash it and I will have my biggest cheer squad, my gorgeous family loving and supporting me the whole way.
Seriously, though I cannot believe that I will be racing tomorrow after the last week. I sustained an injury doing box jumps. For the previous two months I have cleared them, but not this particular day. The dreaded fear set in and took over. The injury I sustained was to do with my Sternum, lets just say I did a good job.
Everyone told me to slow down and have a rest day. Did I listen!? No. But was I worried? Yes. I just knew that I had to fight, rest and not allow the negative self talk of my injury to determine what was going to happen in a weeks time. Anyone that trains for any event knows that its not a great feeling to know that you may not be able to race. I fought that inner critic and did all the things that my body needed to get me ready for race day.
After seeing a physio and getting the all clear, he strapped it, told me to try and do a few runs and see how I pull up and that will be the determining factor as to whether I will be able to race.He was pretty confident. I just wanted to hug him. I was so happy, LOL I actually did hug him. I pulled up good after my two runs and did a couple of RPM classes as well, which was good. Basically, he said that I needed to be strapped on the day but I was all good to go. Yippee!!
Sometimes, I wonder where this strength an courage comes from because the road that I have travelled at times hasn’t been easy. As a child I didn’t have the love and support that I do now. Those in my life at the time instilled other beliefs in me or made decisions based on what they felt would be right for me because of my health.That inner critic doesn’t define me anymore. That inner child will be coming with me tomorrow on that run and we will run it together. Something we both thought we could never do. Well, we have certainly changed that.
My fight at times is hard and I do have days where I just want to give in to my health issues and my negative thought patterns. However, every morning when I wake up, some days are better then others. But when I do struggle with how my body feels and my mindset, I think about how much love I have for myself and what empowers me to get myself out of bed each day. I love how I feel after I do fitness classes, PT sessions, running and having great music to listen to. So I will be taking my music with me tomorrow on that mountain, music that sings to my soul. I will also be taking the amazing support team I have at my Gym, who believe in me more then I believe in myself. I will never give up and I will always show up, even when my body may be feeling a different way. It’s my faith and trust that God and the universe are supporting me. That gets me through each obstacle I face everyday.”
Race Day – Albury Hill Endurance 22 km
The journey at the beginning was so hard, I was freezing even before I started. I felt so out of my depth when I looked at all the people doing the race. It was cold, wet, steep, so many rocks and mud. I was worried. How was I going to pull through it? There she was, my inner critic coming in and telling me you’ve never run more then 9 km, how are you going to run 22 km? Feel that pain? It is only going to get worse and that was just at the 4 km mark. Then I could hear my trainer saying to me ” Candy, start visualising from start to finish. You’ve got this. I’m with you.” It was literally like she was behind me pushing me up the mountain. That saved me at that point!
I remember getting to the half way mark and a runner in front of me was fatiguing.We both were. Those bloody rocks! They were everywhere! I nearly went for a few stacks and then I heard my husband’s voice saying to me, “slow down. You don’t have to rush, your doing good time.” At one point, the girl in front of me turned around and said, “I think I’ve past the 10 km mark.” I said, “you haven’t, we are only at 7 km.” Then before I new it, there was the half way mark. It literally was like an out of body experience. I just found my body running towards the 22 km section. I then looked up to the sky and said, “well if you want me to do this you better have my back.”
When I spoke about this to my husband later, it was quite symbolic. It was the universes’ way of saying to me, ” you can take the easy road or you can believe in yourself and go get your dreams.”
I did go get my dreams. After that point, it just literally felt like an out of body experience. I felt like I was flying. Every song that came on, reminded me of someone close to me and it was literally like they were running with me. It was so empowering. The feeling was like I was on top of the world. The mountain just felt so majestic and freeing.
At one stage, the mountain was so steep.The elevation was phenomenal. I could hear my group fitness trainer saying to me, ” just think, every step you take is just that one step closer to finishing. You can do it!” That got me up the mountain. Then as I glanced at my watch, it literally felt like, “where did that time go?” It said I had only 2 km to go! Holy crap, I’ve done it! Then the most empowering song came on “Edge of Life”, by Cosmic Gate and Eric Lumiere. At that moment I was running down the hardest part of the endurance trail. It was the steepest, toughest and rockiest descent. All I kept thinking was OMG you’ve done this. My knees started to hurt and tears were welling up in my eyes the more I listened to the song. I was so proud of me!
I could see the finish line up ahead. My legs were so fatigued and then I looked up at the sky with the biggest smile and said thank you. I crossed the finish line thinking of how proud I was of myself and how far I had come today. There they were, my gorgeous family and dear friend cheering me on as I crossed the finish line. That was the best feeling! My eldest son said to me ” I’m so proud of you mum! You did it! I love you!” Those words, I will carry with me in my heart forever.
My time was 2 hours and 40 minutes. I kicked ass, literally! But more importantly, I believed in myself. That was the best gift I gave to myself and my inner child.
My message is to never stop believing in yourself because anything is possible if you trust in the process and have faith in what will be.