My spiritual journey began after I survived suicide. I really poured my heart and soul into my faith. I joined my local Anglican church. The reverend showed me care and compassion. He prayed over me when I was in a coma.
My journey with the church began as an alter girl. This brought joy and happiness into my heart. I loved Sunday. I was a part of the proceedings. It was an honour. I felt like I belonged somewhere; God and the Church.
I cant remember what I dreamt whilst I was in my coma, but I feel like I had connection to something; a presence. I felt like I was blessed in some form spiritually and my guardian angels were close. I believe something touched my soul. That I know for sure.
I knew somewhere deep within all the hurt and pain that I was meant to do something in this world. I just couldn’t put my finger on what it actually was at the time because I still had so much pain and hurt there.
When I went home everything was just swept under the carpet. We never spoke about the suicide and if we did it was only to tell me what an act of stupidity on my part it was.
I believe that is why I found God. He was my refuge and my coping mechanism. He helped me to see past what had happened and begin to start to see a future for myself; whatever that was I had no idea.
My faith helped to see past my pain and hurt. Over the years through faith and trust I have learnt to love myself despite all of my adversity. When I do struggle, I try to look within myself to see past the pain of what I have been through and find peace with it.
Every day I sit in the silence of prayer. It gives me hope, faith and trust that everything will be ok. Before I meet my husband, every night I would lie in bed and pray that I would meet a man that would love me so much I wouldn’t be able to imagine a life without him in it. That wish came true.
My husband was the biggest blessing that happened to me in my life at a time when I felt all hope had gone. He will often joke when they are all suffocating me with love,that I prayed for this, a love like no other and yeap I did get it. So grateful !
When I meet him though he had a tough time with me. I wasn’t the easiest person to be around.
I paid off all the money I owed. I had moved out of my ex boyfriend’s mother’s house and Vince at the time supported me at 28 to get my drivers licence and I did get it. It was so exciting …
My dad came back in my life and he organised the holden dealership which was contracted to his work to help me with my car purchase. It felt like all my Christmasses had come at once. When I applied for a loan with the bank I was honest about my financial situation. I was declared bankrupt. I wrote a letter and just told them the truth about everything and they approved it based on my honesty.
My little car, the green mobile or as I called her “ Sabrina” the Barina was to become my best friend. For the first time in such a long time I felt like I had achieved something on my own because I had belief in me. This was the beginning. It was a small step but it was the right step.
Life with Vince was just wonderful, he made me feel like a princess every day . He gave me the world and loved me unconditionally. It was not an easy road for him though, I was so angry a lot of the time. I would take it out on him a lot, which was not right and he didn’t deserve it.
I remember the night he took me out for dinner. It was our anniversary dinner. We went to a seafood restaurant and we got talking about marriage and he said to me “ I take marriage seriously, the woman that I marry will be for life”. I looked at him and said “are you saying that is me?” He said ” I do want to marry you but you need to heal. I understand why your angry and hurting. I love you and I want you to get the support that you need to heal.Something that no one has ever shown to you. Love, compassion, support and understanding.”
Those words shook me up and made me realise that I really needed to get some support or I was going to lose the best thing that ever happened to me, Vince.
All I could feel was my anger, hurt, and pain . The anger and resentment had been there for some time. It was going to take time to heal and heal I would. I agreed that the time had come to work with a counsellor. Time to heal.❤️
Over 7 years of counselling I have had. I have built a box of tools that help me each and every day to get through this journey called life. I always knew that the road was going to be a long one to overcome, all my pain and hurt, but more importantly to grow into the women today who truly loves herself as a whole.
” Candy I love you more then life itself and I want you to believe that you are worth loving because I love you. To see the truth about who you are supposed to be, because your soul is amazingly beautiful. Your beauty shines from the inside out and it lights up a room when your in it. Your presence is intoxicating. ” written in a card from my husband Vince
My message ….
Your beliefs are important
Love yourself always
and find truth in the process.