Dear Dad ❤️ Me

Dear Dad

Not a day goes by that I don’t miss you or think of the memories that we shared together.

One of the most treasured memories I have of you is the day I married Vince. I remember on the day you showed a lot of emotion. In my heart I know you were filled with love, joy and happiness that I had meet a man that loved me just as you loved me.

As you held my hand on our way into the wedding ceremony we shared a moment together where you spoke to me from your heart

” Marriage is hard work sweetheart. You have to work hard at it every day. I look at you and I’m so proud of the woman that you’ve grown up to be and I know that you will have a bright and enriched life with Vince. As your father I hoped that you would marry someone that loved you so much they couldn’t imagine a world without you in it. You might be marrying Vince today but you will always be my little girl”

I remember those words so clearly because it was such a special moment that I shared with you and you alone.

The short time that your grandchildren had you in their life, they loved and adored you. You created memories and loved them. I know when you looked at your granddaughter there was a part of her that resonated memories of when I was that little. She loved her poppy ❤️

I don’t understand why life dealt you the cards that they did but those cards got dealt to us too.

I understand why you stayed and I know how much you love our mum. You felt by staying it would be ok and you could make it right. Part of me wishes that you both had separated and maybe things might have been different today.

I often wonder if she had seeked the help she so desperately needed, would she have found peace and happiness. I believe with my heart it would have helped, because it has helped me.

When I look up at the blue sky I often think to myself in those fleeting moments about you in my thoughts. Do you ever think of us or remember us , your children, your grandchildren and my husband.

The last words you ever spoke to me was following a conversation I had with my mother on the phone. Like always she had been drinking, she was abusive and just wanted someone to blame . That person was me. As Vince and I sat there and listened to her, the picture she painted of me just didn’t ring true. I let her finish then for the first time in 37 years I spoke my truth. It came from my heart. There were no harsh words spoken, just how I wasn’t going to take the abuse anymore. This was it, no more.

She couldn’t handle hearing me speak with strength, courage and from a place of love. She hung up. Not long after, the phone rang it was you. My heart skipped a beat. Was this it? Had you seen the light and had she. Was she going to get help so we all could be a family again?

I used to pray and hope Dad that one day you would knock on my front door with her and apologise for all the pain, suffering and abuse I had endured. I can’t count how many times I have apologised to you both leading up to that day. It felt like all I ever did was apologise. I really don’t know what I ever apologised for. Actually I do know what it was ! So you would love me and want me as your daughter.

I couldn’t bring myself to do that anymore. To live a lie. How could I when I had a man that loved and accepted me for who I was everyday and those around me including my husband’s family , my brother and his partner and all our friends.

Your words cut me like a knife. I will never forget them but I have made peace and found forgiveness : “as far as I’m concerned your dead, your scum of a husband is dead and as for those 3 children, their dead to me too. You will never be in our life ever again”

What is sad is you had never even meet our third child Nicholas. You weren’t even there for his birth.

I have always wanted to ask, when you said that beautiful speech at my wedding, did you mean what you said?

” today is one of the proudest days of my life. My daughter is marrying a man that I call my son , we love him. To all the people here today you all know my daughter well and know what a true blessing she is and a joy to be around in this world. I love her very much and wish her all the happiness in the world today and always”

This is me today Dad, that daughter. I’m loving, supporting and inspiring others by making a difference in this world in all areas of my life.

Love your only daughter xx

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